Surrogacy is an option for couples and singles who want to have children but have experienced difficulties conceiving themselves or would prefer to leave the childbirth to a surrogate mother. However, misconceptions about the process may cause you to jump to conclusions about the procedure. If you understand these common myths, you may be more apt to discuss the procedure with your fertility specialist.
Myth: You Have to Know (or You Can't Know) the Surrogate
Fact: There are actually two polar opposite myths that surround surrogacy. One is that you have to know the surrogate and enlist the help of a sister, cousin, friend or acquaintance. This can be difficult because you and the surrogate alike are less likely to view the process as a business transaction (the woman is getting paid for her services) and more likely to come into conflict over the process because you're comfortable with one another. There are many reputable agencies that can help match you up with a "professional" surrogate, so to speak; a surrogate with experience or a woman entering into the field solely to provide a service.
At the same time, some people believe that the best (or only) way to find a surrogate is through an agency. However, if you're willing to put up with some of the drawbacks or if you feel more comfortable making the surrogate mother a part of your child's life, then yes, you're able to choose the surrogate from the women you know. Just be aware that surrogacy is usually more successful if the woman has given birth at least once before and is under the age of thirty-four.
Myth: The Surrogate Will Fight to Keep the Baby
Fact: Although not entirely impossible, it's actually quite rare for the surrogate mother to change her mind and demand to be able to keep the baby once she's given birth. If you choose a surrogate from an agency, and especially if she has experience, the woman knows what she's getting into and will be able to view the situation with a little more business-like detachment than a first-time mother. It may become more complicated if you personally know the surrogate, but usually, a surrogate has her own children and will view your child as yours. In the odd case where a surrogate wants to keep the baby, you'll have the law on your side to keep it, especially if you don't also use the surrogate's eggs and she's not genetically related to the child.
Myth: Surrogacy Is an Easily Affordable Option
Fact: You should be prepared to pay between $25,000 and $60,000 for your child to come into the world via a surrogate mother. This estimate includes cost of the fertility treatments as well as all hospital and clinic fees for your surrogate. It also includes the payment to the surrogate, which is often somewhere between $13,000 and $25,000.
Before you eliminate surrogacy from your list of options for becoming a parent, consider the truth behind some common myths about the procedure. Once you know what's false, you may be more willing to look at the procedure as an option.
