Would you rather be a surrogate mom or have a surrogate mom carry your baby? Of course, this is a hypothetical question because most women aren't in the position to be on both sides of that equation. But it's an important thing to think about when considering fertility solutions because it lets you really put yourself in the shoes of the other party. Both being a surrogate mom and having one bear your child pose unique difficulties and being able to empathize with the other person in the situation helps make those difficulties easier to bear.
Difficulties for the surrrogate include:
- Attachment to the baby during nine months of pregnancy, after which you have to relinquish rights to the baby.
- Unexpected pregnancy complications.
- Coping not only with the emotions of pregnancy but also with the added stress of having others monitoring the pregnancy.
Difficulties for the mother include:
- Fears that the surrogate will not meet her end of the deal.
- Jealousy and insecurity during traditional surrogacy because another woman is effectively having the husband's child.
- Self-esteem issues because of being unable to bear a child on her own.
- Concerns about lack of bonding with the child.
Surrogacy creates fears on both sides of the equation. In an ideal situation, all parties can openly discuss these fears in order to bring the child into a safe and loving environment.