Surrogacy is a solution for couples that are considering a baby, but are facing infertility problems. After the baby is born, the intended parents will adopt him and the surrogate mother will have to give him up. The relationship between the surrogate mother and the baby, and the intended mother and the baby may vary from case to case. The child will be able to adapt to any type of situation, however, the parents should establish a few rules from the beginning.
Biological Mother-Child Relationship
The nature of the relationship between the biological mother and the child may vary from case to case. The intended parents will decide if the biological mother will be part of the child’s life. This is an aspect that should be discussed from the get go, to avoid any possible misunderstandings.
Some intended parents will not accept the presence of the surrogate mother in the baby’s life and may not even tell the child about the surrogate mother. This should be accepted by the surrogate mother. If the surrogate mother is a first time surrogate, she may benefit of a few distancing techniques that will help her give up the baby more easily. The surrogate should stay away from communicating with the unborn child or giving him a name.
The intended parents may decide to allow the surrogate mother to keep in touch with the child, but this relationship should be less intensive than the relationship between the intended parents and the child. If chosen to be part of the baby’s life, the surrogate mother may play the role of an aunt.
Surrogate mothers can join support groups to be able to deal with the surrogacy experience better.
Adoptive Mother-Child Relationship
Typically, adoptive mothers of children resulting from surrogacy can easily adapt to taking care of the child. The intended mothers should offer a lot of affection to the child. The intended mothers may start the relationship with the child from the time he is in the uterus of the surrogate mother. Even if the efficiency of these techniques is not demonstrated, some studies show that mothers can communicate and create a connection with the unborn child by talking to him on a regular basis.
The child will get attached to the intended mother, as he will not feel the difference between the intended mother and the surrogate. The intended mother will have to establish if the child will know he is the result of surrogacy and whether the surrogate mother will play a role in the child’s life.
Each mother will develop a relationship with the child, depending on her ability to bond with the child. If the mother feels she has issues developing a good relationship, there are training classes that can be of help. Self help books may also come in handy. Support groups and forums for intended parents are also available online.